Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Kelvin: “Oh look at me hair, it looks awful”
Shayne: “Nah mate it looks fine”
Kelvin: “Seriously, I shouldn’ ‘a left the house like this, what do I look like?”
Shayne: “You look good! Where are we goin’ first?”
Kelvin: “We’re meetin’ Shazza and Kazza and Dwayne and Stevo and that lot in the Drunken Monkey, then we’ll see where we flock”
Shayne: “Are you goin’ to Time? I ain’t goin’ to Time. There’s no way I’m goin’ to Time”
Kelvin: “No idea mate, I don’t know where we’re goin’. See where we flock to yeh?”
Shayne: “But I ain’t goin’ to Time”
Kelvin: “Seriously mate, I’ve no clue”
Shayne: “Who’s gonna be out then?”
Kelvin: “Dunno mate, probably Kez and Jez, Bazza sez he’s bringin’ his new bird Crystal and some of her mates. Might get lucky”
Shayne: “But what if they go to Time? I ain’t goin’ there”
Kelvin: “Dunno mate, if there’s girls goin’ it’ll be a laugh. See where we flock eh?”
Shayne: “Well if they go to Time I might go”
Kelvin: “Look at me hair. Seriously mate, just look at it!”
Day of the delivery dawned and the van pulled up about 15 minutes into the delivery slot. The man was lovely, so lovely he almost stopped for tea, and the shopping was done! It was SO exciting; we unpacked the bags going “Ooh! Look! Teabags!” and “Ooh, mushrooms! Look!” like we hadn’t actually ordered it all ourselves. Everything we wanted was there, the only substitution was alcohol so that was fine. I can drink pretty much everything.
I’ve already started my list for next time! My life is so much easier now.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
But then your wife decides to go to the bank. And pay in her share of it. And she forgot to take the wrappers off the bundle. These handily say “from Tonbridge”.
Any criminal mastermind knows you lie low for at least 3 months, you don’t go the bank and say “I’ve suddenly come into some money. Can I open a high interest account please?”
2) If you buy a pair of trousers that are too long for you and fail to take them up, you will spend a lot of time tripping over your feet.
3) If you buy a pair of trousers that are too big for you, solely on the basis that they are cheap, you will spend a lot of time yanking them up.
4) Buy the right size trousers in future.
5) When you suggest going out for an evening with a man, make sure you have a full plan of action already sorted to avoid the usual “where shall we go” debates.
6) If you keep to your resolution to drink more water, you will also get lots more exercise by your extra trips to the loo.
Kelly Clarkson - Since you've been gone
KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
[*on the phone I excitedly declared to hubbie that my bulbs were growing. He heard "boobs" instead of "bulbs" and was very disappointed when he got home and I dragged him to the garden instead of the bedroom.]
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
More hypocrisy from David Cameron of the Tories emerged today. He had a little baby on Valentine's Day - aahh. He has taken the full 2 weeks of paternity leave that were recently passed by Parliament. Which would be fine, except that he voted against it when it came up for vote. If he had his way new dad's would have less time off with their new babies but when it applies to him it's fine. It makes me mad sometimes.
And don't tell my paranoid colleague, but they think they've got bird flu in France...
“When I was out in Asia, I was on the bullet train travelling between two different performances. I felt inspired. It was my first time in Japan and I felt a bit like in the Sting classic an Englishman in New York. I took a picture of the bullet train and the people walking on, then stored that onto my phone and linked it to the song, got back to my studio, downloaded it and it put me right back into the moment”.
Bless him. I can imagine him sitting on the train humming little ditties into a voice recorder (“I’m Craig Daviiiid”…) then going to his “studio” (read “bedroom”) to hammer them out on a little bontempi keyboard.
And how uncool is it for any kind of musician to prostitute themselves to the big mobile phone companies? I bet he got some cool freebies, but at the expense of the rest of his reputation? And do you know anyone with a Craig David ring tone on their phone?
Anyway, today’s papers are full of this. New guidelines want to stop kids in plays at schools from doing love scenes, in case they are exploited. Now when I was at school the raunchiest scenes our plays did were Mary kissing Joseph on the cheek in the Nativity. (Though I am convinced one of the shepherds “accidentally” on purpose brushed against one of the sheep. That wasn’t in the script). It’s ridiculous. Kids know the difference between acting and real life, and if teachers are asking them to do plays that call for sex scenes and nudity, as reported, then the teachers should be banned! Stopping pretend kisses on the grounds that kids are open to abuse is just crazy. And how else will the prettiest girl in school get together with the handsomest boy? It’s the law that they have to play Romeo and Juliet and spread the joys of budding romance round the school. I don’t remember them being required to get jiggy with it as well.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
2) The audience at the Elton John concert. They were mental. First of all there were 2 men in the row in front of us. One was very small and the other must have been well over 6ft, he reminded me of Crazy Legs Crane who used to be on the Pink Panther. Hubbie said he looked like a spider. When he sat down his knees nearly took out the person in front of him. Anyway. For the 40 minutes before Elton took to the stage, they argued and argued in hushed whispers. They were clearly having a domestic about the bottles of Bud that Crazy Legs was drinking with abandon (plastic bottles in case anyone is worrying about Elton's safety at this point). But then 2 songs in, they both bawled like big old girls, and this carried on to the end of the show. Bless.