Thursday, June 18, 2009


So against everything I said last time round, I'm having another baby. Lovely. Due just before Christmas - so that is cancelled then! So far it's been going as before, not many symptoms which is good, but I am the size of a house already, not so good. Anyway, also like last time round I had a letter from the hospital. Following my blood tests, they want Mr Babs to have his blood tested for some medical thing that mainly affects african men. So I rang them up and said he'd already been tested the first time round and did he need to be tested again as he still isn't african? The man laughed and said "no, but we assume pregnant ladies are with different partners than the last time round so we had to check". Lovely. So the prevailing opinion in my part of the world is that all the women have babies with different dads. I really love Essex.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Vandalism - the Essex way

So on Saturday night I was awoken by the sound of a ruckus outside. As if I don't get woken up enough by Baby Babs crying and Mr Babs going for a wee, now you can add young hooligans to the list. Marvellous. Picture the scene: quiet surburban street, 1ish in the morning, lovely summer's night (hence all the windows being bloody open), cut to:

Thug 1 (Let's call him Bazza): "AAAAGGGHHHH. Man I'm drunk man! AAAAGGGGGHHHH!"
Thug 2 (Let's say Shane): "Awright man! Wot a night eh? Mwah mwah mwah"
Shane's moll (Let's call her Shaz): "Mwah mwah mwah" (this symbolises lots of slurpy snogging against a lamppost)
Bazza: "Right man, wot a night! WOT A NIGHT!"
Shane/Shaz: "Mwah mwah mwah"
Thug 3 (Gazza perhaps?): "Ere! Let's nick this for sale sign [belonging to our neighbours] - if we take it to the shop they'll give us a fiver for it!" [I have no idea if this is true but doubt it very much].
Bazza: "Yeah man, why not!"
Bazza/Gazza - Tug, thump, smash.
Shane/Shaz: "Mwah mwah mwah"

The next day it appears that they got fed up of carrying the sign by the time they got to the bottom of the road and dumped it. They left the remains of the post outside our house, obviously trying to lay the blame with us. All the other neighbours think they have taken their house off the market now as they have failed to have it replaced yet!

You really couldn't make it up. What must I miss in winter when the windows are closed?!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

You couldn't make it up...

I love this story (in a gory way) - binmen refused to empty a bin as it was too heavy, failed to notice there was a foot sticking out of the top, and the reason it was too heavy was because there was a body in it. It stayed there for 3 weeks before anyone noticed.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Strange dreams

So last night, Gazza wanted me to go out with him. I said "oh I'll have to speak to my husband first", to which he replied, "tell him it's me, it'll be fine".

And as Gazza is his hero, I am sure it would have been :)