On the annual trip to the folks last weekend, our train trip reinforced my belief that travelling with strangers should be avoided at all costs. Some lessons my fellow travellers should have learnt:
- If you are going to travel on a Friday, reserve a seat. Don’t look surprised that the train is full to bursting and you don’t have anywhere to sit for the next two hours. And if you decide to plonk your suitcase in the middle of the aisle and sit on it, expect to be made to move regularly by people going to buy booze and then have to visit the toilet lots when they’ve drunk it.
- When waiting for the train (on a Friday) and they call the platform, don’t run like a crazy person dropping all your belongings on the way and looking stupid. There won’t be any available seats.
- When you get on the train and find the right carriage, wait till everyone has got past you before deciding to unpack REALLY slowly and put all your bags around the carriage in random places. And keep your bottom stuck in to avoid sticking it in the face of the poor passenger next to you.
- When you get on the carriage and find someone is sitting in “your” reserved seat, make sure you check what carriage you are supposed to be in before you start an argument. You are guaranteed to be in the wrong carriage, and as far away as you could be from the right one.
- If it is at all possible, upgrade to first class. You get free stuff and loads of room and don’t have to mix with the other idiots travelling with you.