Rar!

Cyclists of Essex. If you decide to ride hell for leather down a subway where bikes are clearly not allowed (cleverly demonstrated by the big red signs at either end) do not be surprised if you get a mouthful when almost running over a buggy and small child. People are not expecting you to come up behind them at speed, and so will not handily move over for you and pick up small children to avoid them being run over. And you will not win the argument. So there.

This one clearly isn't on commission...

"I just received your renewal quote for breakdown cover. You want £45. It is £28 online and your rival also charges £28"

"We can't match that, I can bring it down to £30.21 though"

"How random. Just for that I am going to your competitor instead"

"Ok"

And I will always love your money...

I just saw a clip of old Whitney in concert on the news. Jesus. Who on earth could say she was "brilliant" as one lady leaving the gig said?! And which money making underling decided she was fit to do concerts? My sister-in-law is going to one of her gigs and it weren't cheap. I would demand my money back and compensation if I had to sit through that, but then I would have if she was on form, The Darkness she ain't :)

Skips

I have noticed a new phenomenon recently. Skips. Back in the day, you hired a skip, and then spent every night paranoid that someone was going to fill it with all their crap, so you'd put a tarp on it, and hopefully fill it to the brim before the cover of darkness brought out the cheeky neighbours and their broken lawnmowers. But no more. Our neighbour has a skip, and literally every new day brings yet another transit van and someone fishing through the contents for things to take. The skip started out full and is half empty now, the good stuff is long gone but people keep looking! I might ask her if I can stick our broken crap in it now she has room, it definitely wouldn't stay in there long! There must be money in cruising round examining skips the amount of people doing it, I might stick the kids in the car and go on a forage myself :)

Cookery for glamour pusses...

I've been watching the new Sophie Dahl cookery program and it is the most bizarre thing. You find yourself watching it but after about five minutes you realise you have absolutely no idea what she is cooking but her kitchen is beautiful, she is wearing a lovely frock, and everything she cooks looks lovely! It's like food porn. I spent ages wishing I had her kitchen, then I realised it must be a studio - I always get fooled, I thought Nigella actually let a film crew in her house for ages, but Sophie's "kitchen" is much nicer, kooky pots and pans, little antiques, she uses antique looking cups to beat her eggs in...and apparently she stuffs her face with shepherds pies and cakes and stays very thin and glamorous too. I want her life! And Delia and Nigella must be kicking themselves!

Who? What?

A sign that me and Mr Babs are SO out of it these days. We have been watching American Idol, but thanks to the miracle of recordable tv we have been fastforwarding all the ads and the rubbish bits (ie most of it!). I pressed play just when things were looking interesting to hear Ryan Seacrest announce "and here is a world premiere, we are so privileged blah blah blah ... it's Diddy Dirty Money!!!"

Me and Mr Babs looked at each other, I said "I've never heard of Diddy Dirty Money, must be a new band" and we both looked on in bemusement for about 2 minutes until we realised it was actually one time Puff Daddy, then Puff Diddy, then P Diddy, and now apparently just Diddy and the song was called Dirty Money!

Doh!

And then...

I told Littl'un to stop jumping off the sofa today, he'd hurt himself. He did as he was told, got down off the sofa but then he planted his feet down, put his hands on his hips, and said "oh for fuck's sake!" and looked really aggrieved. Whilst trying not to laugh I told him he shouldn't talk like that and tried to change the subject.

I just hope he doesn't come out with that at school! And I have no idea where he picked that fruity phrase up from! We must have passed some navvies one day in Sainsburys...

All righty then...

Littl'un was playing with his cousin today. We weren't really paying that much attention to them, two 3 year olds playing together. Then we heard them giving each other pretend beers and then driving in pretend cars.

"You shouldn't drink and drive" someone told them.

"We're not drinking beer, we're smoking!" announced the cousin.

Oh that's alright then...

The story of Easter

as told to a bunch of 3 year olds at pre-school by a mad woman...

"Jesus was a lovely man. But he liked to tell people what they should do. So all his enemies decided he should DIE! That's it, pull sad faces everyone! Have a palm cross and a chicken!"

Don't have nightmares son...

Sitting waiting wishing

Yesterday I had to wait in all afternoon for the tv man. If you aren't in when they come, they immediately whack a £10 charge on your account. So of course we were in. They didn't bother to show up. When I phoned them I was told "oh it turns out your problem is affecting loads of people in your area and we will be sending a fix to the boxes soon, and we cancelled the engineer". "So you couldn't have phoned me to tell me not to stay in all afternoon with 2 small children?" "Erm, I suppose we should have".

!!!!!

I've seen it all now!

So opposite our local primary school there is an Iceland. I was there just before it opened yesterday to get yet some more hot cross buns for Baby Babs #1 (he will look like one soon). Anyways, amongst the people also waiting for it to open was a woman who was unremarkable apart from the fact that she was wearing her pyjamas and slippers. Honestly. She must have got out of bed, dropped her kids off at school, gone to Iceland, and then gone back to bed. And they weren't even just sloppy pants you wear round the house, which she would have got away with, they were clearly pink and flanelette. Lazy cow! What kind of example is she to her kids?! Some Tesco stores have banned people going in wearing their pyjamas (and skimpy vest wearing/topless men, and penguin suits) (not really, I was lying about the penguin suits) - so she was obviously limited in her choice of shop. How long does it take to throw on a pair of trousers? She could have left her pyjama top on under her coat - I suppose at least she wasn't wearing her dressing gown too...

The perils of being in charge!

Oh the pitfalls of being a mother. Baby Babs #1 is getting very bossy recently, and he loves going over to his aunty's house, I think he loves it more than being at home. I would too, he gets spoilt, to do what he wants, and never gets told off! Unlike being at home. So the other day he was supposed to go over there, but events got in the way and he couldn't go. I explained what had happened, said I was sorry but I couldn't do anything about it, and the reaction? A 3 year old in a mega sulk followed by "I don't love you anymore mummy". !!! Oh the heartbreak!! Evil little sod! But thankfully half an hour later he reconsidered and told me he still loved me really! Honestly. Whenever I have to tell him off I can see his brain thinking "you're no fun, I'd rather go and see my aunt". Whoever said parents can't be friends to their kids too was right, but it is hard work sometimes!

Neurotic mothers...

I was going through some old photos of Baby Babs #1 when he was the same age Baby Babs #2 is now. And I am sure #1 smiled alot more than #2 does. Why? What am I doing differently? Is #2 feeling neglected as I have to look after #1 too?! Or is he just genetically more miserable, more like his father?!

There's a flaw in the plan somewhere...

So we have one of those fancy tv boxes where you can record programs and watch them at your leisure. It's totally improved my life, I love it, all the series we watch are recorded automatically and you can fastforward through all the adverts, it's a marvellous invention. But recently it's gone a bit loco. So the engineer came out to look at it. "You need a new box" he says. "But what about all the programs I've recorded?" say I. "You will lose them" says the man. Right.

So they invent these fancy boxes and can't transfer the programs over if necessary? We are going to have to watch all our programs and then call them back again to replace the box. Hurray.

Dead/idiot celebs

Is there any male celebrity/sports star who hasn't had numerous affairs? So far this year there's been Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley Cole, Vernon Kay and now little Mark Owen from Take That! I don't know how he got away with it what with all the obsessive Take That fans stalking him. But what is it with these men? Is it that once you have everything - big house, money, cars, girlfriend/wife and/or kids - life gets dull and you have to fill it with how much you can get away with? Is it like cat and mouse with the tabloids?!

And if they aren't all having lurid affairs, they are all dying young by being stupid or careless . Step forward Kristian Digby, Corey Haim, Heath Ledger...

They might as well just report celebs who die old of natural causes, have blissfully happy marriages, and no scandal at all. But where would be the fun in that?!

Blog interview

If you're interested, there's a bit more about me here:

http://bloginterviewer.com/music/ohh-dont-get-me-started-bookish-barbara

Oh and the irony, me an aspiring proofreader and they spell my link wrong! It's OOH not OHH - it makes a difference you know :)

I give up!

So in the news today they say the government are thinking about making it compulsory for dog owners to take out insurance in case their dog attacks someone. This is mental. Not only is it penalising everyone for the small minority of idiots who have dangerous dogs or who use them for intimidating people, it is also possibly the stupidest idea I've heard in a long time. We don't have a dog, but Mr Babs and now Baby Babs are quite keen and all we need is more expense related to owning a pet. And like in the world of car insurance, the ones who are dangerous, idiots, morons, or worse are exactly the ones who won't bother to get any insurance. So what exactly is the point?! Surely it is up to the police/rspca to deal with stupid people with pets. In exactly the same way it is up to the police to deal with people with knives or guns. They aren't suggesting that when people go to buy kitchen knives they have to take out insurance just in case they decide to stab someone with it are they?!

Honestly.

Bad influence

Littl'un was playing imaginary train journeys at the weekend, he got on the train (beanbag) and I asked him where he was going?

"Only the bookies" he said gleefully.

I really hope he doesn't come out with this at school! Imagine the shame. It's all his father's fault.

Men!

Hubby is famously unsociable and it is more than my patience is worth to try and force him to do anything anymore, hence we have no social life. Yesterday my friend asked us to meet her for a coffee in town, only a coffee, not a dinner dance or a weekend in a cottage in the Yorkshire Dales. Typically he refused. So we went anyway. It was super lovely, and when I got back he had hoovered the entire house! Result. I forgot this happens, he refuses to do something that might be a teeny bit fun, I go and do it anyway, and the minute we are gone he feels guilty and tries to make up with housework. I'm doing this every weekend now, even if it's an imaginary friend I'm having coffee with (we can meet up with littl'uns ghost next week) :)

Kids!

Littl'un was upstairs having a wee. I heard him talking animatedly and then saying "bye bye! bye bye!".

When he came downstairs I asked him who he was talking to?

"Only the ghost," he chirped. And I believe he was!

Then this morning when he was still asleep he said "I don't want to tidy up!". Do you think I have been emphasising this point somewhat in the daytime?!? He's dreaming about being told off! No wonder he has befriended the local ghosts!