Tits!

So last weekend Mr Barbara took me out for a meal on Saturday night. It was a lovely place, in the middle of the countryside, and even though I had to drink lemonade it was lovely. We got a nice booth and were halfway through dinner when a couple were seated in the booth behind us. As it turns out, it was lucky that they were kept well away from the many families with young children sat around us. I think maybe the bloke asked to be kept away from children. I really hope it wasn't a first date. This was their conversation:

Characters: Girl - early thirties, pretty normal looking, voice like a foghorn.

Bloke: early thirties, reminiscent of a deer in the headlights.

Girl: "eh, isn't this lovely? Yeah, I know I don't know you very well but I'd show you me tits if you want?"

Bloke (nervously): "um, eh, he he, no thanks yeh?"

Girl: "Yeah, well when I'm out wiv me mates, we are always getting our tits out. It's a laff innit?? Me mate Karen gets her bits out after a few bacardis too. What are we like?"

Bloke: "???"

Girl: "Yeah and when we were in Magaluf last year we had a competition, you know, who can get their tits out the most? I came second to Carole, she only won coz she had more photos as evidence"

Bloke: "So ... aha ... how is your meal?"

Girl: "It's lovverly, ta, I've got great tits really. Do you want to see them?"

Bloke: "!!!"

And on and on. Her voice carried so much at one point I had to openly turn round and see who was talking. Seriously, every other word was "tits!". She was oblivious. Her "date" would have been happy if the floor had opened up and swallowed him! I could have sworn at one point he was fashioning a noose out of his napkin...