It's only 22 boxes but man they are addictive!

In this lovely not having to work period my father-in-law snuck a new addiction on me. There's this new quiz show called Deal or no deal hosted by my favourite tv host Noel Edmonds. Sadly Mr Blobby has yet to appear on the show, but it's only a matter of time.

Basically, the boxes have between 1p and £250,000 in them, and the person in the chair gets to choose the boxes to be opened 3 at a time hoping they get low numbers and leave the big money untouched. They also have a box with money in it which comes in at the end. After a few boxes have been opened this mystery "banker" phones up - I'm sure he's not real, it's all in Noel's head - and offers them some money hoping they'll take the Deal and not win lots from one of the boxes. It sounds mad but I am so addicted and sadly when I'm back at work I won't be home in time to see it. Please Mr BBC - put it on later!

And the first series of Lost has nearly finished and it's doing my head in. How unlucky can one planeful of people be? Now the mystery "Others" are coming to do them in and they have to hide in a skip or something, hoping the "Others" don't just lock them in and they all have to eat each other. I'm never flying again.

No I haven't got piles dear!

At our work Christmas Party over a week ago I managed to throw myself down a set of stairs. Twice. Ouch. I still maintain to this day it was the stairs' fault, I hadn't even had a glass of wine the first time. The second time might have been my fault. A colleague told me afterwards that the stairs had been polished recently and the anti-slip things weren't put back on. Uh oh? I really hurt the bottom of my spine and over a week later I can't sit down properly! Or type as I did my wrist in big time too. I must be getting old, a few years ago I did this all the time (yes drunk) and was fine!

But apart from that the party was brilliant! Our place is great, it's all free booze and food and they put a disco on too. They hire this hilarious dj who thinks he's it, but he really isn't. But he did play the Darkness for me so he isn't all that bad! And there were two punch-ups, people falling down stairs (me), people whisked off to A&E with alcohol poisoning, bloody noses from gallantly trying to catch drunken ladies who were falling over who did indeed fall over on top of said hero (not me) and lots of abandoned dancing (me, I didn't feel the pain till later that night). Happy Christmas one and all!

Bah humbug you old scrooge!

Sorry that was intended for hubby's boss. Who made him work today and tomorrow. What is it with bosses who force employees to go into work when most people are off (well me anyway!)? They know said pissed off employees will do as little as possible, leave early and hate their scrooge asses for the rest of the year. I make a policy of refusing to work for firms who don't have the whole of Christmas and New Year off. That is quite easy to do in Library Land thank goodness!

So I'm stuck at home and I'm so lethargic I'm reduced to watching MTV2 while playing Bookworm over and over - I recommend it to everyone, though I warn you now your life will be reduced to thinking of long words to try next time. Though I only play the free version, I ain't paying for it. Now who's the Scrooge? I once got a 9 letter word and it told me the free version only accepts words of 8 letters and under! The horror!

And I've got Muppets Christmas Carol to watch too, and It's a Wonderful Life which I must have had for 3 years and haven't watched yet. And I hear it's got a Librarian in it too!

Bleurgh...

Well I attacked the bar with abandon yesterday, and 1 bottle of champagne (we have 3 bottles left over from the wedding and hubby don't do fizzy), several large baileys and the odd martini later I was well and truly sozzled. And I wasn't even sick the next day. Marvellous. Onwards it is then, 6 more days of heavy drinking here I come! "BARMAN!"...

What happened to Christmas?!

I have spent weeks - literally WEEKS - waiting for Christmas. And now it's over. What happened? Scientists should investigate what happens to time when you aren't at work. It definitely goes quicker - I would say a hundred times quicker - than work time. It's Tuesday already, and I don't seem to have done anything particularly. I haven't even gorged myself silly on food because it's Christmas and you're allowed. I have started drinking at about, ooh yes, this time every day (hold on while I go to the bar) ... that's better...but never seem to get even a bit tipsy. I am going to change that today, oh yes indeedy. I think the trick is more alcohol, less mixers. Christmas Day was nice, at the in-laws, but even that went quickly. And there isn't even any good tv on, we ended up watching Indiana Jones yet again this afternoon, and the ends of a lot of films we've seen already.

Still I've got another 7 days off work yey! I think it's time to take this quality leisure time more seriously and stop lying around watching crap on tv. Whose turn is it to go to the bar?

What is it about cowboys?

Now Nicole is allegedly engaged to some country star no-one's ever heard of. This is now called "Doing a Renee". What is it about country and western singers? I know a lot about country music and I can't see it myself. My Dad took up C&W dancing when I was at a very impressionable age, and he used to leave the house with his stetson on and drive through our village kitted out in his gear. The shame. Admittedly he is bloody good, and I like to think I inherited his rhythm, he even made it into the local paper for his moves, but the music? I have endured hours and hours of C&W music when Dad used to drive me to University every other weekend after I went home for the weekend to see a feckless boy (who went on to dump me on Valentines day by a letter disguised as a card, how cruel). It's all "he left me with 7 bairns and a broken heart at Christmas" or "he loved me in the back of his station wagon or he said he did and I haven't seen him since" or even "I was brought up in the achy breaky mountains with nothing but goats for company"...

Now admittedly C&W does seem to be having a revival with good looking roughly shaven young men in tight jeans and stetsons, I can see the attraction, but Nicole? NO!! You tried rock with Lenny, you did crazy with Tom, you did super rich with Steve Bing now please pick someone out of the fame sphere, hey, even a local librarian might be the one for you?!

Squirrels!

I have come across 2 different stories covering squirrels in 2 days. And for some bizarre reason they really made me laugh. So I thought I'd share!

1) Man eating squirrel alert! (Well it won't be long...)

2) Librarian in squirrel rescue!

They're showing old people sex on primetime tv!

Urrggghhhh. It just came back to me in a flash. I never really watch Eastenders, only tuned in to see Grraaannnttt kick the shit out of everyone for 3 weeks then leave again. But the other night I accidentally caught the repeat, what can I say - it was late, I was knackered, the remote wasn't in reaching distance. And Frank "Tweacle" Butcher is back. And he was In A Hotel Room with Big Dangly Earrings Pat. !!! And they weren't admiring the view of Tower Bridge (Tower Bridge!! That's nowhere near Walford!) that's for sure.

I can't describe the rest. But if they showed that at 7.30 in the evening then the BBC should be ashamed of themselves.

There isn't even a way to spell the word I'm thinking off, but I'll have a go...

Uurrrgggghhhhh...shudderrrrrrrr...retchhhh.....aarrrggghhhhhh...

I now see the point of landlords

Who the hell thought buying a house was a good idea!? You know what it really means - it takes over your life and you spend your waking hours considering paint charts and where to stick what on the walls. Honestly. Life is too short. Tell me, what's wrong with renting a nice little place painted entirely in magnolia by your landlord, you know you'll never have to worry again. But silly me, I decided to buy a house, and I have spent most of this afternoon up and down a ladder painting the front room. Which I will be very pleased with when it's finished. But it's SUCH hard work, mainly the moving furniture around to get to the walls, covering everything in splashing distance and then manouevring said ladder round scattered furniture. Goddamn. Getting trolleyed on vodka and rolling home at bedtime was much more fun.

So I decided to avoid the magnolia route and chose a lovely shade called "Gentle Fawn". Sadly it isn't reminiscent of Bambi's bottom, it's quite like magnolia really! Damn those cunning paint sellers.

And Robbie? Please don't sue me, I'm only a librarian after all, but one day you are going to be eating your words. As Naomi Campbell found out to her cost, protesting too much is a dangerous game, and winning loads of dosh is only going to lead to blackmail you know! You should have just shrugged it off my friend.

More celeb craziness

So Brad wants to adopt Ange's kids? At what point are they finally going to admit they are a couple?! Not that anyone cares anymore, and I'm sure Jen doesn't want it rubbed in, but it has been SO obvious for ages now and they are still pretending they don't really even know each other! Celebs keeping their business private is one thing but do they really think we are all so thick that we don't know what's going on? It's a weird smug thing with them, I can't quite put my finger on it, but it annoys the living crap out of me. Just get married (if you haven't already), announce it and then we can move on...

To Kerazy Daddy Cruise! Yey!! My favourite crazy celeb is back with a vengeance! He's only gone and bought a baby scanner. Bless! Does he know he won't be needing it? Cushions don't show a great deal and Baby Cruise is merrily growing up in a top secret Scientology lab somewhere - probably Switzerland. All ready to "pop out" in a few months to Mommy and Daddy. Then Plan No. 2 can kick in, Tom's watched The Omen, he knows how it works. Kid grows up, kills a few people along the way, becomes President, kills anyone else who gets in his way, marrys a famous model, takes over the world. Then the world is doomed, all the Scientologists take off in their spaceships and leave the broken hull that was The World for Venus. You listen to me people, in 20 years you'll be wishing you had taken more notice!