Freecycle

I recently joined Freecycle, a site where people list stuff they no longer need that they would have chucked out but this lets other people have use of them. I need a lawnmower badly. No one has offered me one. Anyway. You can also list stuff you want and it is hilarious, people seem to forget it is free and the things they ask for  are SOOO cheeky! Today some woman wanted a buggy. But instead of saying "I need a buggy if anyone has one they no longer use" she demanded a specific make and model! And it wasn't a cheap one! Honestly. If you really need a buggy and can't afford to buy one you wouldn't care what brand you got would you? And the other week someone asked for a whole list of things, including a gazebo, a swing seat for the garden, a 32" sony colour tv with stand, and a cotbed! I don't think gazebos come under necessities really and it really takes the piss out of the ethos of the site! I might ask for a purple Volkswagon Beetle next and see how many offers I get :)

Blog to book?

So the other night I was suddenly hit with the thought that my blog could just disappear - if blogger went tits up or just lost it or something. And all the stuff I've written about would be gone. It's a bit like a diary really, I would hate to lose it all. So I started thinking about ways to print it off and save it for posterity  - yeah coz I'm like Samuel Pepys for the 20th century me :)

So I started cutting and pasting it into word, which not only looks rubbish, but one year alone stretched to 39 pages and that was in a tiny font. And I can't afford THAT much ink! So then I stumbled upon a site that converts your blog to print and it looks really good, and costs roughly £50 which isn't that bad if you think about it. But I haven't got £50 for some silly vanity project! So I'll have to run the risk of losing it all and forgetting all Littl'uns' silly tales! Or I could go back to my diary instead, but I have learnt recently that I can't write very fast anymore! 

What I really need is my old library job back temporarily and the photocopier that does all kinds of cool printing formats, including booklets. And I am sure they wouldn't mind covering the cost of all the printing - that's what late night library shifts were for surely? :)

Weather man.

We were out in the car going shopping the other day and it started to spit with rain. I cursed the weather as I had just put my washing out. A wise voice piped up from the back seat: "Don't worry mummy, it's only a shower and it will be ok".

And it was.

Fat bottomed toddlers...

Yesterday Littl'un called me to do the necessary when he'd been to the loo. I noticed he hadn't used his booster seat that goes under the toilet seat and asked him why. He announced proudly: "I don't need that anymore, my bum bum is too big". 

So he has upgraded himself to the normal toilet! Bless him. Now if only he could wipe his own bum bum I would be a happy woman!

Librarian magic

EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO TO THE LIBRARY SOMETHING GOES WRONG!!!! AGH!!!!

Phew. That feels better. So today we went to the library, Littl'um wanted some new books. And I thought I had it all covered. I was prepared for books not going off tickets when returned - I got the librarian to check the ticket was empty after we returned the books on the self serve machine. Check. Then we got some new books and issued them all save one which wouldn't work on the machine, and printed out a receipt. Check. Then we took the non-issuing book to the librarian and she issued it for us. Check. And we left.

And then just now I looked at the receipt tucked into the book all nicely by said librarian. And she has issued a TOTALLY different book to his ticket, one about damsels in distress in rural Lancashire. I don't think Littl'un is into historical romance really. Holy crap. She even managed to do that right in front of me!! They are so bad they can cock things up right in front of you. And my mistake radar was on red alert and she still got me! How on earth am I going to persuade them that he didn't borrow it? And I really can't be bothered to go back again to sort it all out. Honestly, as I say everytime I blog about our library, they SO need me!

School picnic

Today we were at a school picnic. Littl'un hasn't started there yet but his cousin has so we went along too. Cor blimey there are some dodgy mothers at that school! Firstly, the outfits. Leopard print catsuits, boob tubes, SHORT denim shorts, all in one weird kaftan creations. And all about 4 sizes too small. The kids got eyefuls just glancing round the park. Then the conversations. Most of them were f'ing and blinding at a kids' picnic - where, just for the thick ones - KIDS will be there! We had conversations about being arrested, kicked out of the house, errant husbands - and that was before the sandwiches. 

Then there were two newly rich mums who were hilarious. They ostentatiously unpacked a table they had brought. Yes. A table. Then unpacked all the picnic in fancy boxes. But essentially they were the same as the leopard print brigade. Just with fancier hairdos and labels on their clothes. I am not a snob. Really I am not. But I do take exception to scumbags who ignore their kids, swear and drink in front of them (and their whole school) and flash most of their fake appendages to everyone.

I don't know whether it's better to avoid them or just give in and invest in a catsuit and gold heels...

Families!

I just had to endure a weekend with a member of my family who is more thick skinned than a hippo. They merrily insult everyone, barge into people's conversations and personal space constantly, put everyone's backs up and generally cause trouble. I so wish I could just tell them where to go, but being a polite librarian I can't (though this weekend it was quite close) and I don't want to cause a family ruckus. But why should we put up with them?! Why do families always have someone like this? And what can be done about them (apart from moving to Australia)? Any suggestions would be welcome!

School's out!

So Littl'un has finished his first year of school. It was quite sad really! He had his party and went as a very cool Incey Wincey Spider, and to my horror only one other mother (one!) had bothered to make a costume. Everyone else had gone to the Disney Store by the looks of them. And I don't know why I bothered as apart from a few comments from other mums (along the lines of "ooh isn't that nice, a home made costume" in the tone of "she must be mad") I might as well have dressed him in a bin bag. None of his teachers commented which is bad as he did a lot of the stuffing and supervising, but these days no children are allowed to "win" or "lose" and all have to be the same. But he refused to take it off for hours when we got home so at least he likes it!

Pass me the zimmerframe...

Littl'un just saw an advert for a sit-in shower, the type designed for elderly people. He asked why we hadn't got one. "It's for old people" I said. "You are old" he said.

Big school little school

I was trying to explain to Littl'un that after one more week he will be finished at his pre-school and going to Big School in September (how scary is that?!). None of his friends are going to the same school and I was trying to explain this, though obviously not very well as I got a worried look and "but mummy, I need someone to play with at Big School" - bless! He didn't get the concept of making new friends at all and now I think I've freaked him out and he won't want to go to his new school after all! Damn the tortuous road of conversing with 3 year olds...

Competitive Mother Syndrome

Littl'un has a school party next week where he has to dress up as a fairy story/nursery rhyme character. The stress this is causing me is actually worse than my dissertation back when I had a brain! First we decided on Twinkle twinkle little star and had big plans for cardboard cutout stars, paint, and glitter - until I woke up in the middle of the night thinking "he's going to poke someone in the eye and we'll get sued!". This was followed by 3 days of intense negotiations trying to persuade Littl'un to be something other than a star. He refused. Unless he could be a princess. His dad refused.

Then finally he agreed upon Incey Wincey spider. Phew! But then we had to figure out how to make the costume. You can't buy them, oh no, with Competitive Mother Syndrome you have to spend hours sweating over a home-made costume and then cry if your child doesn't win a prize. So far we have a t-shirt which has been transformed into a spider's body with extra legs and everything, and it looks quite good! Then we got onto the rest of it. An argument about whether spiders have feelers or not happened last night - they do thanks Daddy! And an attempt to make a cobwebby pattern on the t-shirt was a bit rubbish. I heard myself going "but he can't just go in the t-shirt, there has to be something else!!!" to which Daddy said "he probably won't wear it anyway". Which is very true. Or he'll be sick and off school.

I tell you, this is worse than deciding what to wear to my wedding. And it can only get worse!

Big in China?

These days I am getting loads of comments on here in chinese. But they make no sense! The last one I had translated into: "Long drive straight toward the planet's people, the inverse falter on the road in the gorge who achieve their goals more easily." Now is that the sign of a proper chinese person reading my blog or some crazyness that is quite bizarre? I was a bit worried they were a virus or some sinisterness so I always delete them but what if I am offending some chinese person who is trying to send me good (if a bit weird) advice?

Is anyone else plagued with chinese gobbledeegook?

Call me a liar!

Littl'un NEVER shuts up these days, from morn till night it's all "why?" "what?" "how?". And he never forgets ANYTHING. He would give an elephant a run for his money. I was painting my toenails the other day, this is such a rarity that Littl'un was intrigued. And demanded I paint his too. So I lied! I said that boys didn't paint their nails, only girls did. I couldn't face a discussion about goths or why some boys paint them and other boys don't! Especially as grandad has his painted sometimes :) 

It was only a white lie, but I know it will come back to bite me!

A lesson for teacher...

...if you are going to take some pre-school kids out of school to go and look at their new schools for September, and there is the slightest possibilty you are going to be back late, wouldn't it be a good idea to tell the parents the event is happening?! On Friday, loads of parents happily marched into school to pick their kids up, only to find them missing! Panic ensued until one of the teachers chirped up "oh, they're not here!" which also didn't help really! Honestly. And wouldn't it have been a good idea to tell the parents anyway? What if they were out and about and saw their kid wandering down the street?! They've all gone health and safety mad at schools these days,  you have to fill a form in to pick them up 5 minutes early, yet they are quite happy to take the kids on some mystery trip without any parental consent! Call the governors!!