Mechanics

So I think I have finally got wise to the wiles of mechanics. Our car had to go in for mot/service the other day and I know as I take it in with the kids they think they are on to a winner. For the second year in a row I got a phone call saying all this work had to be done "urgently" and then they quoted me a ridiculous price to do it all . Now we have no money I just laugh at them. If it passed the mot then the other stuff isn't that bad surely? I laughed at the man this time and said "write me a list and we'll do it over the next few months". At another garage. Funny as last year they told me the brakes were about to fail, it was REALLY IMPORTANT I get them fixed, but I forgot all about it and this year they didn't even mention them! Honestly. I have no trust in mechanics really, which is scary, I assume they are trying to make a fast buck on my naivety, but what if they were right and the car blew up when I was driving it?! It's a chance I'm willing to take!

If only I had my camera...

I persuaded Mr Babs to take the boys to a local park yesterday as it was the weekend and all. I didn't anticipate it would be quite as muddy as it was. But we persevered and made it round relatively mud free. Until we were about 10 metres from a nice clean path that led back to the car. Mr Babs decided to chase after Littl'un while carrying Baby Babs, slipped, did a very complicated body swerve to avoid landing on top of Baby Babs and then landed bum first in a big muddy puddle. It was hilarious! Luckily nothing was injured apart from Mr Babs's ego. But if only I had my camera ready, we could have definitely made £250 on You've been framed! Even with all the "well THAT was a good idea for an afternoon out" comments all the way home and the extra washing when we got there, it was so worth it!

I NEED a wee!!

Yesterday Littl'un went for a wee and discovered someone was already in the bathroom with the door locked. Instead of knocking and saying he REALLY needed to go, he just wee'd up the door instead. I had to applaud his efforts to make the best of a bad situation, perhaps he thought it would flood under the door and into the toilet!

Pretend Jacob has a birthday!

Yesterday Pretend Jacob had a birthday party. Littl'un pretended to invite his cousins, two friends from school, announced that "babies weren't allowed" (ie his brother) and they all had a party on the sofa. I asked how old Pretend Jacob was - he is 5 apparently. As Littl'un is only 4 this worries me, I thought they'd be the same age but Pretend Jacob actually has his own persona. I am a bit scared to ask what he looks like...

Kids!

Yesterday at tea-time Littl'un announced "Mum, you are the best cook in the world!". Bless him. He really has nothing to compare me to, which is a good thing!  In the night he also had a nightmare that he got lost and couldn't find me, he was really upset. He does love me! He drives me mad most of the time, but he's a sweetie really! And his little brother has taken to screaming really loudly to get any attention, I think he is going to be trouble...

Surviving the relatives

So I survived the visit from my Inappropriate Relative relatively unscathed. Typically as I was poised to strike, there was little in the way of inappropriate behaviour. I almost said something about telling the boys off - that is MY job! - but I think the death stares I resorted to (courtesy of the pill rage) did the trick very well. IR was very well behaved and we almost enjoyed the visit. One difference was that no alcohol was drunk, it made such a difference you wouldn't have believed it! I think that is the clue, if we have trouble next time I'm keeping an AA leaflet at the ready to hand out! It's also something to do with having to be the centre of attention, and this time no other relatives were involved so there was no-one to show off to. I am still ready to strike next time though!

Pirate rage

And when I was in the doctor's asking advice (basically "stop taking the pill" - gee thanks), a little boy was in there with a lego pirate. He had lost his little pirate hat somewhere in the surgery and everything stopped until someone found it. At least they appreciate pirates at my doctors!

No sex please we're British

So I started a new pill last week. In the space of just over a week I have had the following side-effects:

Uncontrolled rage
Depression
Dizzy spells
Blurred vision (especially handy when doing 70mph in the fast lane with 2 kids in the back)
Massive appetite
Spots

So I can conclude that as a contraceptive it is doing a blinding job. Mr Babs doesn't dare even look at me at the moment!

The Brits

I caught the last hour of the Brits tonight and for the first time in a long time (well since they axed Top of the Pops) the music acts actually seemed like they were playing live, and that they were having a lovely time! Of course, it probably was all amazing miming, surely nobody is allowed to perform live anymore, but it looked good and took me back to the good old days of wondering if dangerous drugged up musicians trusted with microphones were going to swear!

And the one good thing about the night was that Take That didn't bring along the naked bottoms. Though I didn't see all of it, they might have been on early! I have escaped Take That for at least a month, I didn't automatically recoil when they came on the tv! Result.

And I love Arcarde Fire. But I haven't actually bought their album yet, I got Kings of Leon instead and I am ashamed. Sorry lovely Arcarde Fire. I will, I will. That is all.

Families

We thought we'd escaped another visit from my Inappropriate Relative for a while after two visits in the last two months. Then last night we got a phone call announcing another visit. Next week for half term. And this is despite me saying we had lots of plans with Littl'un's friends and were busy all week. "Oh, we'll just fit round you" was the response. I am not cancelling any plans, with school now it is so hard to find the time to do anything fun, and I had plans for a couple of lazy days where we didn't even have to leave the house. Now that is all down the toilet. 

I have decided it is time to bite the bullet and actually say something. We have bitten our tongues for well over 10 years, more recently since we had the boys and they come down every other month (or more!). The problem is it is my stepmother. It makes it all the more complicated. But my dad manages to totally ignore all her bad behaviour, so maybe it is my time to cause some trouble. We can't keep on living like this, dreading the next visit and then moaning about it for weeks after!! If I cause offense it's about bloody time. I just don't want to hurt my dad.

If anyone has any advice for me, how do you tell your dad his wife is a nightmare?! And that they are not visiting every time we have some time off!! I know they want to see their grandkids (not that I count her as their grandma really!), but perhaps their dad and me might like to spend some time with them too - just us! Is that too much to ask?!

Clear as mud

It was our wedding anniversary last weekend, 6 long years (only joking!) and the highlight was sending Littl'un to his nan's for the weekend to give us some peace for a change (not joking!). Anyway, when he came back he asked what the cards were for, and I thought I explained quite clearly about weddings and anniversaries. He looked like he got it. Then half an hour later he said "mummy, why did you and daddy get married when I was at nannies?" Bless his little heart, he looked quite upset!

Then yesterday he was messing around with my mobile which was locked and said "look mummy, 999!" - luckily it didn't dial automatically so I was able to cancel it. I thought again I explained quite well about calling 999 if there is ever an emergency - he's 4 now, he should be able to phone for help if I knock  myself out with the iron or something! Then when we got home from school he said "can I phone the firemen now?". It's a slippery slope to arson in the bedroom just to see a fire engine...

And I really need to work on my explanations!

Eurovision

So who in the name of Terry Wogan decided they would let Blue represent us this year? And write the song?! Jesus Christ we have no chance. At all. They should have gone with Wagner. Unless Blue sleep with the whole of Europe between now and May, we really have zero chance. Though that isn't too unrealistic is it?!

Pardon?!

And another "highlight" of the weekend was my inappropriate relative. We were just sitting down to dinner, me and Mr Babs had a tikka masala curry which has a very bright red sauce. As we were just about to tuck in, she looked straight at Mr Babs and said "oh I wasn't getting a cold earlier, it was the OTHER thing" and pointed at her crotch. EEEWWWWW!! Who in their right mind refers to their periods at mealtimes, or even AT ALL in polite company?!?! And we didn't even know she thought she was getting a cold as she spent most of the day hungover. At a child's birthday party. Then she told another member of the family that they needed to go for a number two straight after dinner!!

I could go on, but I need to go and have a cry...

Terrible fours

The minute Littl'un turned 4 he turned into Devil Child! Honestly. By breakfast time I had nearly cancelled all the festivities. He walked into the lounge, looked at all the pirate banners and balloons and said "why are they all pirates?" And that was just the start of it. His nan says it is as he is getting all the attention for a change, which makes me feel quite guilty, but honestly, it makes me glad we didn't decide to keep him as an only child. He started calming down on Sunday when everyone left, and is kind of back to normal. It could also have been all the sweets and cake! Luckily they are all banned now :)

He is so not having a birthday next year. They are cancelled.

Birthdays

Littl'un turns 4 tomorrow, bless him he is SO excited! This morning he said "I can't actually wait any longer for my birthday". Hee hee! As he said he was into pirates, he has a lot of pirate related stuff - I just blew up 18 pirate balloons and feel a bit sick. But last night when I was taking him up to bed I said "what do you really want for your birthday?" and he said:

"a green twisty frog thing"

to which I said "where have you seen one of those?" and he said "I haven't. You have to find one".

I hope he is ok with pirates still :)

Zumba

So I went to my first Zumba class last night. It was an experience. Firstly, when me and my friend went to leave  the house the car was frozen solid. Once defrosted we got there and I reversed the car into someone else. Thankfully he was fine about it, bless him. Then we parked up, and the class was full. All the women from miles around seemed to have turned up. So we went home and had to go back again an hour later, as the instructor said she would do another class afterwards, bless her. It was bleeding hard work, but fun, so we will go back. But I can feel it today, it is the first proper exercise I have done in I don't know how many years! At least I didn't keel over!

Glee

The new series of Glee started last week and I was really looking forward to it. Until I watched it. It seems it has fallen victim to the "Successful Show Gets More Money" syndrome. When they sing the voices are so doctored it doesn't actually seem like it is them singing anymore. It is ridiculous. Surely they could sing last season, they are even doing it live (or are they?!) on stage. It is SO irritating. It put me off watching any more of it, but luckily Sue Sylvester is still really evil so I will watch it for her and just mute the songs. Why do they have to do it? It's like watching an episode of the X Factor with the voice machine they use to make them all sound better. Glee, I am ashamed of you.

Pirates treasure!

Littl'un turns 4 next week. Don't ask me where the last 4 years have gone, I have no idea. Anyway, he's into pirates at the moment. We have got him a brilliant pirate ship and I did a blinder on ebay and got loads of Playmobil pirates, monkeys, parrots, treasure chests and all kinds of stuff to go with the ship. And sadly in my excitement to see what I (well he) got when it came in the post yesterday, I broke a bit. Already. I can't be trusted! I was trying to see what was in a treasure chest and didn't realise it has a nifty catch so you can lock it. So I wrested it open and broke the catch. Crap. The lady who sold it and her kids looked after it all so beautifully, and 5 minutes in my possession and I've broken it. I can't say anything to Littl'un if he does anything to them when he gets them!

Hopefully daddy can fix it in time for the birthday. I am more excited at playing with it all than Littl'un will be probably! It is so cool. I was going "look! monkeys! parrots!! treasure!!" and Baby Babs was just looking at me like I was crazy. I should have been a boy.

Doggie

This morning Baby Babs (1) decided he was going to try climbing up the sofa like it was Everest. His brother (3) sighed like a long-suffering father and said "That baby is worse than the dog!". Then we all did a big sigh as we don't have a dog anymore, maybe we can have an imaginary one to go with Pretend Jacob! Pretend Max! That works for me!

Droll expectant fathers

And the best bit of One Born Every Minute was the odd boyfriend of an 18 year old girl who was waiting to give birth. They were listening to a woman in the next room screaming like she was being murdered, and the poor girl said to him "if she's a grown woman and she's screaming like that, how am I going to cope?" Without batting an eyelid he said, "she's probably only 14". Genius!