I have to pay homage to the vicar of the local fete we went to at the weekend. Not only was he clearly very eccentric in his approach to parking for the fete - it mainly went along the lines of "let people park wherever, watch them get all their stuff and kids out of the car, then ask them to move it" - the brochure they produced had the funniest jokes in it! Some a bit risque for a vicar, so I reproduce the best ones here:
Q: What's a teddy bear's favourite pasta?
I went to the doctors and said "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite.
I went to the chemist and said "Can you make something up for me?
He said "Kate Winslet was in here this morning"
I said "Really?"
"No," he said, "I made it up".
If a rabbit goes to a party dressed as a cake, would he be a cream bun?
And now to the Inappropriate gags for a church fete section:
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. (Not really funny but highly inappropriate for a church fete!)
Do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? (see above!)
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? (and again!)
And the one that made me scratch my head for AGES:
There was a power cut at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. (Think about it!)