Nice one Harry!

Harry Hill has picked up on the travesty that is the new series of Delia. I haven't seen last night's episode yet but I am reliably informed that her newest "recipe" is grilled pitta bread. Uh huh. How is that a recipe exactly? Anyway in TV Burp, Harry also takes the piss out of the "cooking". Apparently, we are informed, Delia's husband types up her recipes for her books - "he just copies them off the packets" chortled Harry. And I think he might be right! Surely someone will be suing old Delia soon for passing things off as her own work. It might just be me!

Who you gonna call?

Uh oh. I think we've disturbed the ghosts again. They have been very quiet since we had Baby Babs, I thought bringing a baby into the house had made them happy enough to leave the tv alone. But on Friday we started decorating our bedroom. It is the last room in the house that we haven't done, and I think we've really pissed off the lady whose bedroom it was. What makes me think this?

1) On Good Friday the boiler breaks.
2) On Good Friday the toaster breaks.

3) On the Saturday morning I come downstairs at 6am courtesy of Baby Babs to find the clock on the fireplace saying 8am. Now this is very weird. We went to bed at 10.30 (rock n roll people!) and I looked at the clock and it was working. So how do you explain it saying 8am the next day at 6am?! It hadn't stopped and there hadn't been an 8am in between me going to bed and getting up. It can only have gone super fast...or gone BACKWARDS...the ghosts are messing with me and I'm getting tired of it. It's not their house anymore damnit!! We're only painting the walls!!

If any exorcists in the Essex area are available that would be lovely. Thankyou.

Things you don't want to go wrong...

...on a long Easter weekend.

1) The boiler breaks on Good Friday. It is predicted to be the coldest weekend this year with snow a very big possibility. Marvellous. Normally I would get super excited about snow. Now I am digging out my thick socks and leg warmers to wear in the lounge.
2) The only way to get the boiler to work is to stick your hand into the deepest dustiest parts of the boiler with one of those pens you use to light the gas on the cooker. It then comes on but only for 10 minutes. Then it clicks off and you have to do it again.
3) You blackmail a very sick plumber to come round on Saturday by using the "I have a baby" line and he still can't fix it until Tuesday.

It is now snowing. Brrr. It's Easter! I have daffodils in the garden! How can it be snowing?!?!

It's how you describe it...

In the latest Currys adverts, they are selling these great new things - "frost free food centres" - didn't they used to be called "fridges" back in the day?!

Oi Smith! Noooo!!

So the second episode of Delia has got even worse. She made everything out of tins, told the buyers at Sainsburys that tinned meat was the new "thing" and it was bloody awful! But basically, her recipes (a bit like Nigella's) are cooking for posh people, who let's face it, have a cook or buy it already made. The secret of all these recipes is "good quality ingredients" - for which read "from Waitrose". Delia had a pantry (not as nice as Nigella's) full of posh tinned and bottled things, which admittedly are probably very nice - pesto actually from Italy, bottles of fancy red peppers. But who can actually afford to buy them?! What is the point of showing rich people how to cook badly? M&S and Waitrose do convenience food so well, she might as well have just gone round the freezer section saying "well you put the oven on to gas mark 6 and then cook for 45 minutes and then serve with a prepared salad and a bottle of very posh red wine. I can't cook very well, but even I try harder than old Delia!

Delia!! Nooooo!!!!

I watched the first episode of the new Delia "how to cheat" series and I am so upset! Even Nigella doesn't sink so low as to use frozen mashed potato and mince out of a can. It was shocking. Surely even the most nervous cook can boil a potato, and you can even buy mince you can cook from frozen these days so why go so so lazy? Delia is failing budding cooks, she said that nobody could cook anymore, and they certainly won't after watching your program Delia. You are teaching people how to put things in a dish and then in the oven. She even used frozen potato wedges for god's sake. People she is aiming to get cooking will go even easier and just buy the fish pie or cottage pie straight from the freezer section and put it in the microwave. The program is a travesty. She even explained how to take the skin off a piece of already cooked salmon. Pft!!!

A song for Europe?

Oh. My. God. The farce that was our attempt to pick a song to represent us at the Eurovision hit a new low on Saturday night. There were 6 contenders, who were split into 2s and then for some unknown reason John Barrowman and that Carrie with the bright red hair were deemed responsible enough to decide which of the 2 acts in each category went through to the public vote. They raved about Michelle Gayle. For the record she was not "Eurovision Eurovision Eurovision" (thanks John) - she was truly shocking, and REALLY embarassing. Her "song" involved lots of over-excitable shimmering and the song was really screechy and appalling frankly. She was up against Andy Abrahams who, while not exactly Lordi, was the best of a terrible bunch. He was professional and could have been performing on Top of the Pops (RIP) while the others were shameful karaoke wannabees. Baby Babs liked him and he chose Scooch last year too so he knows what he's talking about. Thankfully Terry had a wild card to put one of the failed groups through to the public vote and he sensibly chose Andy. And of course the public voted for him and he won. I would love to have seen Terry gloating to the idiot "professional, know what they are talking about" judges. They could so easily have made us the laughing stock of Europe. I know Andy won't win, but he'll not be too bad. Well done to the Great British Public!