Mr Ballooney / Mr Salsa (grrrr!)

So the other day I was a Very Good Mum and took Littl'un to the library where Mr Ballooney was doing "magic and a puppet show". He was actually quite funny, it was a little overwhelming for Littl'un who is a sensitive soul - he doesn't like girls and there were a lot of them, screaming "he's behind you" at Mrs Punch - but the promise of a balloon at the end kept him good. Anyway. It turns out that Mr Ballooney moonlights as Mr Salsa in the evenings, and in between making jokes he was trying to sign all the mums up to his salsa classes (every Thursday, except the first of the month - why I don't know, what would you find going on there if you turned up by mistake?!). It was very entertaining, the kids had no idea what was going on. But really. Once you've seen him as Mr Ballooney how could you take him seriously as a salsa teacher? I'd be expecting a balloon to pop out from his trouser pocket (stop that!) or Mr Punch to take over the lesson. The two just don't mix! And he was definitely flirting with one of the mums, he was a very cheeky Mr Ballooney!

You know you were destined to be a librarian...

...when you refuse to order food from takeaway menus that have spelling mistakes in them!

Wake me up before I ... oh no!!!....

Poor old George Michael is in trouble again. He is facing jail for driving and then crashing into a shop while out of his face on drugs. He was in Hampstead in his "luxury Range Rover" apparently. And which super posh Hampstead shop did he crash into? Waitrose? John Lewis? A super posh organic vegetable shop?  Mamas and Papas? Hampstead Luxury Hampers r Us? No? Snappy Snaps! Hehe, they must have developed his latest snaps wrong :)

Things not to wear around children #1

White tops. I bought one. It was dirty before it even got home. It will never be clean again...

"You want a GIANT trampoline?" Yes please!

I got my freecycle comeuppance yesterday!! After failing in a couple of attempts to get free stuff off people - I missed out on a microwave rice steamer which I was very upset about - I finally thought my luck was in when I was offered a kids trampoline I had said I would like. I was surprised I got it, but really excited. I picked it up yesterday and Mr Babs put it together. Unfortunately it is 12ft and takes up the whole of the garden! In fact, it doesn't even fit on the lawn it is so big, it is currently on our patio right outside the door and you can't get past it easily! Littl'un and his dad really love it - Mr Babs even went on it in the rain yesterday and the neighbours all looked at him like he was mad! It is such a shame it is too big, we can't keep it, but Littl'un can have it for a few days.

They say you never get anything for free, but we got LOTS of trampoline! That'll teach me to be greedy! And it also explains why they didn't get many people wanting it, I didn't realise quite how big a 12ft trampoline would be, maybe I should brush up on my maths!

Firemen

We had a fire safety check yesterday, our lovely local firemen offered to do it and we'd get new smoke alarms so why not? And they came in a fire engine, Littl'Un was SOOOO excited! They offered to let him sit in it, he refused and ran away "because he didn't want the nee naws to be switched on" bless him! He doesn't like loud noises. 

Anyway, this "check" was basically a fireman filling in a questionnaire about fire safety. Thinking back, it could have been done over the internet, he really didn't need to be there. It was quite funny really. He spent the most time on getting me to sign an indemnity form in case they broke anything, so I couldn't sue them. Then we had a discussion about the new smoke alarms we were having installed. "The batteries last for 10 years!" he said proudly, then went back to his questionnaire. "So, how often do you change or replace the batteries on your smoke alarm, madam?" he said. "Isn't that irrelevant now?" I said. "Erm, yes", he said.

"So do you have an escape plan in action?" he said. "Erm, kind of," said I, "our upstairs windows don't open because we have no keys for them". "Oh", he said, "well, if you ever do have a fire just make sure you ring us and stay in the bedroom". Thanks then! I was sure he'd advise us to sort the windows out, but no.

"So do you ever block your doors up with boxes?" he said. "Er, noooo," I said, a mite confusedly. "Oh that's ok then, a lot of people tend to block their doors up with boxes and stuff" he said. "A lot of people?" - surely he just means hoarders?

So really it wasn't much cop, but we have got shiny new smoke alarms and a photo of a fire engine minus Littl'Un who is really going to regret that later!

The death of romance

Mr Babs recently offered to take me out for a romantic meal. We haven't been out just the two of us since, erm, February 2009, I think! How sad is that?! Anyway, the trouble with having kids is that they usually kybosh any plans you have. Baby Babs #2 has decided recently that if he can't actually see or hear me he will go nuts. I left him with my sister-in-law when I went to the dentist, and he cried for the whole hour, then the minute I held him again he was all smiles. It's very nice at the time, it's nice to be wanted, but does this mean I can never go out without him again?! 

Instead of the romantic meal, where both of us would be sitting waiting for the phone call to rush home again, all four of us went to the dogs and I shared a bowl of chips with Littl'un. All hope of romance is dead. Unless you count Mr Babs making me a shandy when the kids are in bed! It's very depressing really, but in about 5 years or so we might be able to go out alone! Hell we might even get a weekend away!

Neighbours

Our neighbours have a little boy who is a few months younger than Littl'un and they play together over the fence alot. But the boy regularly throws mud and stones over the fence, he hit Litt'un in the head with a stone last week and yesterday he got an eyeful of mud. His parents can be heard telling him not to do it constantly, but they never ever follow through on their threats - he'll go indoors, he'll go to bed etc etc. So he doesn't stop. And why would he?! If my boys behave like that they only do it once! Luckily a neighbourly argument is being avoided as they are moving soon. But apparently a single 20 something bloke is moving in. So I'll be having rows about parties and loud music instead. Oh joy.