Eurovision and pirates!!

This year's Eurovision was bloody brilliant! I so wish we'd had a party and that Lady L and I hadn't had to resort to a breakdown of the acts by text message! I was torn between the Latvian pirates and the Finnish rockers. Rock! I so want to move to Finland! They weren't quite Lordi, but they were quite Iron Maiden which was cool. And as for Latvia. Anyone who is prepared to go on tele in front of millions dressed as a pirate and singing "hii hii hey" while dancing round a wheel gets my vote. There were loads of acts I could have voted for this year which makes a change.

But it was all marred at the end by the stupid political voting that meant Russia won when clearly they were pants. I never understand it. Are the voting public in countries like Serbia and Latvia forced at gunpoint to dial the number for Russia when they wanted to vote for Iceland, or is there no public vote at all and it's all lies?! And if so, when did the Eurovision get so important that whole countries resort to skulduggery and secret meetings ("if you vote for us this year, we'll give you free tickets to the do next year") to sort out who is voting for who this year? It was most upsetting that they upset poor Terry, who was totally disenchanted with it all and threatened us that he might not do it next year. Terry!! How could you? But the countries that put most money towards it, us, France, Germany, Spain, will probably think about not paying for it in the future as our chances are so low, and that will mean we will lose our automatic places and never again qualify for the Eurovision. Then nobody will bother watching it except for all the Eastern Europeans who have hijacked it. It's a sad old time for the Eurovision. I've just depressed myself writing this. And I was so high on Euro excitement! Damn those ice skating weird tight white pants wearing Russians and their political ambitions.

Shopping nirvana

So the other week I realised that a) we had £80 of John Lewis vouchers from our wedding (in 2005) and b) we didn't have much money. So this led to c) ordering the weekly shopping from Ocado. Marvellous! I hadn't used them before mainly as they seem v. posh and expensive. Now I have and can't possibly use them again until we're rich again and it's awful. It's like having candy taken away when you're a small child. I kind of wish I hadn't experienced it. They definitely win the customer service award for online shopping, and quirkyness.

The morning of my delivery I got a text message. This reminded me it was coming, that no items were missing, the name of my delivery man, the make and model and numberplate of his van. I was surprised they didn't tell me his blood type or favourite sandwich filling.

I got a call a good 45 minutes before my slot from Kevin the driver. He said he was "running behind" to which I immediately though "uh-oh". But no! He actually meant he was running ahead, and could he come round now? Of course you can Kevin!

Then when he turned up he gave me a whole welcome speech, a breakdown of how all the food is packed and arranged, and what the colour coded bags meant. He looked very upset when I said he could just leave the bags in the porch and I'd take them through to the kitchen. I wasn't being rude, I'm just used to Tescos.

And I got a free packet of something I ordered by mistake! Though when he'd left I guiltily wondered if it was a test of my suitability to be an Ocado customer. If I tried to order again I'd probably be told I wasn't honest enough and to go elsewhere!

This is not a paid advertisement for Ocado by the way! I'm just a sucker for expensive food delivery and lovely food! It was so upsetting when we ate it all and had to go back to "basics" bread.

The fuzz are getting so much younger...

Yesterday I had a knock at the door, and looking out of the window I saw 3 young men dressed in denim with tattoos. On opening the door, I expected to be asked if I wanted my windows cleaned, or my roof replaced. Only to get a shock when one (who looked about 15 I swear!) flashed his badge and said he was the police following up the thieving bastards from last week. Bless! They were so young! I didn't take them seriously at all, preferring to regale them in how funny the boy running to the car was. They did laugh but then said "we'll come and take a proper statement soon". But now I'm worrying I can't remember exactly what happened, or what the man looked like really. What if they make me do a line-up?! Why did I get involved?!

Or does their youth mean I am getting old?

A rude awakening...

...being given a live beetle while you are lounging in bed.

Thanks Baby Babs. You wanted me to get up then?

The thieving bastards!!

I just looked out of my window, like you do, and thought "why is that fat boy walking up and down the road so many times?". Why? Because his dad was coolly loading his boot with stuff from the builders' van parked on our neighbour's drive, that's why!! I managed to get his number plate so hopefully they will catch him. But what a nerve!! In broad daylight too! A couple of our other neighbours walked past him while he was at it and he was calm as you like, and a man was cleaning some windows right next to him. The boy wasn't in school 'cause of the voting, you can just imagine the scene at breakfast time. "Son, what would you like to do on your day off? Go to the park or come robbing with your old pa?". The funniest bit was when the old bloke gave the boy the nod - he was the lookout - and shouted at him to get in the car. He was so fat he couldn't run very fast, I think he will prove to be the weak link in that thieving partnership...