Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Blaine pain

Poor old David Blaine. He failed his weird underwater stunt thing and turned into a shrivelled prune in the process. His latest feat wasn't really publicised over here so much, but oh it takes me back to the summer of 2003 when he was hanging above the Thames in a glass box. How he misjudged the people of London. He was besieged with people throwing eggs at him, waving sausages at him, whacking golf balls at him from Tower Bridge, and general rudeness. One man tried to cut the cord holding the box up. Quite a few bottoms were waved at him too. The "magical genius" was not recognised in the slightest.

Lady L made the mistake of going travelling and missing this summer of entertainment. I had to become the David Blaine London correspondent and fill her in on all the crazy shit that was going down. Me & Miss S even went along one balmy evening to see it for ourselves. It was weird. The area immediately under his box was cordoned off with burly Sky security guards operating an access policy that only seemed to apply to young blonde girls. But we really had gone to see some "poet"* (for the want of a better word) who wanted to do his stuff under the Blaine. Apparently it was supposed to be a satirical rant against him. But when we actually got there, he got stagefright and dragged his audience off to an abandoned ampitheatre where he proceeded to bore us all senseless with some weird reading aloud story. It only got amusing when he dragged one of his audience in to help, which involved ad hoc pulling down of the trousers (in an innocent way obviously). Then we were beset with the local "youf" who tried to intimidate us with their bicycles. It didn't work. It might have scared old David Blaine though.

What will he do next though, this poor misguided "illusionist"? What was wrong with sawing ladies in half, or being locked in a case then stuck with lots of knives, only to appear with a flourish at the other end of the stage riding a tiger? He's thinking too much if you ask me.

[* Ah yes I remember now, he was supposed to be a comedian but was so unfunny I had forgotten. We knew a few unfunny comedians that summer that's for sure!]

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