Outwitted by a 3 year old...

Littl'un is obsessed by the toxic red sludge that escaped in Hungary the other week. For once I put the news on at teatime and he saw the footage and ever since has had nightmares about the "red mud" and constantly worries about it coming to get him. So I sat him down the other day and explained to him that it was in a country called Hungary which was over the sea and a long long way away and that the red mud couldn't make it this far and he was safe. And that it had been sorted out now and was all gone. I thought he understood me until he said;

"What does red mud eat?"

 I said; "what do you mean, mud doesn't eat anything", to which he replied:

"But you said it was hung[a]ry"

Honestly!! This really happened! He is so funny bless him! But he is still concerned about the red mud, though more about what it had for dinner than as a potential threat!

Fantastic Mr Fox

This morning the fox got into the fridge and ate half a box of little sausages. It's a wonder Littl'un doesn't stop him ;)

The fox did it...

This morning I came downstairs to find an empty box of maltesers on the kitchen surface. "What happened to the maltesers?" I asked Littl'un. "The fox ate them" he said without a trace of guilt. Then when I said "did you eat them?" he said "well there are some more in the fridge, I checked, and the fox told me to eat them".

I have to applaud his inventiveness really, what will he come up with next?

My death has been greatly exaggerated...

Today it was raining. Littl'un wanted to take his umbrella to school. Fine. Then he wanted to open it in the house before we left. I said he couldn't as it was unlucky. He kept on about it, I said "not in my house you don't" to which he replied:

"when you are dead and I have my own house I am opening my umbrella".

Cheers. He couldn't have just said "when I have my own house". No. He had to bring in my imminent death again! I'm going to buy him a scythe and a black cloak for Christmas.

Little liar

So Littl'un came out of nursery with the beginnings of a black eye yesterday. His teacher said "did he have that when you dropped him off?" to which I was like "um, no, I think I would have mentioned it if he had". "Well," she said, "we asked him what happened and he said his brother hit him with his toothbrush this morning". His brother is 10 months old. He cannot wield a toothbrush, a toy brick yes, that would have been more believable.

At school for less than a week and already an accomplished liar. Good job there teachers!

Kids!

Littl'un started at nursery today, he loved it bless him! It was quite sad for me, he looked so grown up in his uniform but so small! When he came home, he was full of everything he had done, and then out of the blue he said:

"My teacher is called Mrs Bubbles" (she isn't really, I am protecting her right to anonymity!). "And she is a BIT fat!"

I said "you didn't tell her that did you?" (thinking PLEASE don't have said that on your first day, son!). And luckily he said he didn't. But honestly, where do kids get it from?! He also said the other day that his toy Spongebob wasn't playing anymore as "he was dead". What do you say to that?: "Do you want to bury him in the garden or flush him down the toilet then son?". Once I have brought up these kids and let them out into the world I am applying to the UN to be a peace negotiator...

Delhi belly

So most of the swimmers in the Commonwealth Games have got dodgy stomach upsets. That could be a tad awkward. They put dye in the water to see if anyone has done a wee these days don't they? What do they do for number twos?! Though I suppose they wouldn't need to put anything in would they?! Ooh imagine the shame if that happened?! Forget the gold medal you just won. Paula Radcliffe will never get past the weeing in the street episode, but it could have been so much worse!

This is why I don't do any sport at competitive level :)

Boozy mums

So some idiot scientists have started the controversy about drinking and pregnancy up again. They now say that to have a couple of drinks a week "does no harm". But how do they actually know?! It does my head in! In both of my pregnancies I didn't drink a drop from the day I found out I was pregnant. I would rather not take the risk myself. I know people who do have the odd tipple, and that's up to them. But to me, (call me prissy if you like, I was a librarian!), alcohol isn't a necessity unlike food. I would have loved a drink at some points, but the not knowing what it would do to my baby stopped me. Even after having my kids I don't drink much at all any more. Once when Littl'un #1 was little I went crazy and had a few too many. Then he was sick in the night and needed me and I couldn't help as I was being sick in the bathroom! And hangovers and early starts also don't do anyone any good!

So I think my lesson is basically that kids & booze don't mix. Period. From the day of conception to the day they leave home! Dammit, where's that bottle of gin?!

Doctor Doom

Today Littl'un was playing Doctors. He listened to my chest, felt my pulse and did all his checks. I said "what is the diagnosis, doctor?". He said very solemnly:

"You will die in your bed".

Cheers, doctor. Unfortunately he couldn't provide a timescale for his diagnosis...

The good wife

Either that or I am an idiot. With a banging headache and in the rain, I dragged 2 kids to the supermarket purely to partake of a cracking deal on beer for Mr Babs. And I forgot to get myself anything booze related. Well I did get ice cream to make up for it. Mmm, ice cream...