Child genius or child exploitation?!

Baby Babs can now do brilliant impressions of a rabbit, a chicken and a lion. They really make me laugh and he learned them straightaway, it wasn't a case of "you WILL be a chicken!". But part of me thinks I shouldn't be encouraging it, is it child exploitation or have I got a young impressionist on my hands?! And what should I teach him next?!

Daytime tv

I've got to the point where I can't watch daytime tv anymore. Recently itv got fined for showing violent episodes of Taggart and other shows at 3 in the afternoon. Midsomer Murders as well, and man that's violent and has lots of rumpy pumpy too!

This week I caught an episode of Doctors, a daytime soap about a health centre. Haven't seen it for a while, but one of the doctors was paralysed in a car crash by a colleague last year sometime. Queue lots of angst ridden episodes, Rocky style exercise routines trying to get his legs back, him trying to date ladies and then when they knocked him back going "is it coz I'm disabled?" [No, it's coz you are bleedin' annoying]. This week he was clearly much better, he was walking, had a lovely girlfriend, they were talking about going scuba diving and everything! Then he was flattened by a lorry. Dead as a dodo. Poor sod. What was it all for?

I think it is a cunning plan to get me to do something other than veg on the sofa! Damn those tv schedulers.

Yours Mary Whitehouse jr :-)

Gladiator

Since we married, Mr Babs has let his personal appearance go a bit. He doesn't shave as much as he used to, really only when we have somewhere to go, which isn't often. I don't mind a bit of stubble, but it's gone a bit beyond that now and he looks like a man whose wife has left him or who has lost all his money on the horses. I had a plan to make him shave at the weekend, but then a bloody woman at his work came up to him and said "I like your beard, you look like a gladiator!" Thanks love. A gladiator! If he did indeed look like Russell Crowe then I wouldn't mind at all. He refuses to shave now and his head is twice the size. Cow. And why was she commenting on my husband's appearance? Do I need to go and sort her out?

Sigh

I am currently doing a proofreading correspondence course, I am extremely nitpicky and hate finding mistakes in books so I am probably perfect for it. Anyway, I've got to do an assessment and post it back to them, and have to get at least a B to pass the whole course. I have spent the last week agonising about a part of it, the text is all jumbled up and in real life you would query it so they can check it against the manuscript. But I decided this was too easy and they really wanted you to correct it to demonstrate your understanding of the symbols you need to use. But did they?! After days of going backwards and forwards, in desperation I just rang them to ask and the girl said "oh yeah, you just query it" and that was that! No "oh it's an assessment, an important part of the course, I can't help you I'm afraid", just "oh we'll tell you the answer, don't worry!". On the one hand I am grateful that my instincts were right in the first place, but on the other, does everybody pass this course as they just tell you what to do?!

Pirate jokes

I thought I would share my current collection of pirate jokes after the whinging in the last post. Nothing is ever so bad that a pirate joke can't cheer you up :-)

Q: What music do pirates listen to?
A: Arrrr and B

Q: What did it cost the pirate for a new peg leg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg

Q: What do you get if you cross a pirate and a vampire?
A: Draculaarrrrrr

[Hee hee, I particularly like the last one, and for Miss S and Lady L, my favourite ever joke: Q: What do you get if you cross a badger and a seagull? A: A bagel!!]

Desperate housewives

I am full of rage at my other half today. Why? Well, let me see. These are my jobs:

Cleaning
Cooking (and deciding what to cook)
Shopping (including beer buying)
Gardening
Car maintenance and cleaning
Paying bills
Arranging medical, dental and optician appointments as necessary
Collecting prescriptions and medication as and when required by husband
Washing
Ironing
Buying clothes for husband and son
Arranging birthday cards/presents/xmas cards/presents for entire family
Bringing up baby

These are his jobs:

Go to work
Wash up after tea

Now do you understand? I have over at least the last 6 months asked him to fix the kitchen tap and the shower screen, both things I can't do myself. Are they fixed? He is also supposed to mow the lawn. He does it grudgingly about twice a year.

Oh dear, this list hasn't helped at all. I'm more mad now. Damn. And if I brought this up? "I go to work to pay for it all." But I know if I do go back to work I'll be doing it on top of everything else! I am oh so full of rage. But I must also be an idiot to do it all. Crap.