Earth hour

So I overrode my non-environmentally friendly husband's moaning and switched off all the lights for Earth Hour. If nothing else it'll save us a few quid on the leccy, I might do it every night. So I got out all the candles, Baby Babs was in bed, I thought "ooh how romantic, my luck might be in here". Husband complained for 45 minutes that it was too dark and then fell asleep on the sofa. The romance is dead...

Online confusion

So, I have three different internet updating things going on, this, Facebook and Twitter. At the moment I am trying to cover different topics on all three which is bloody hard work. And why? I have a few friends who know about all three of them, and while I am sure they don't want to read the same things three times, why am I bothering?! I know you can get your Twitter updates to show up on your Facebook as updates but I had to stop that as it was bothering me. And on here I am kind of anonymous which is great when slagging off the neighbours or immediate family.

I don't know what my point is.

Twitterings of a Rock God

So I signed up for Twitter after Lady L did. And it confuses me. It's like the best bit of Facebook (the updates) but on a different site. And as I didn't have many friends on there I started following famous people instead. And then Chris Cornell started up on it. And it weirds me out.

Firstly, I can't be sure if it is actually the real Chris Cornell. He updates so often - surely a bona fide rock star would be too busy throwing tvs out of windows and being off his face on JD to tell the world silly things all the time?

Secondly, if it is indeed the real Chris Cornell, his updates are usually so banal (for a rock star, sweet for a normal person) - he misses his kids, he's getting on a plane etc etc. , that my long held adoration is being tampered with. I blanked out the fact that he was married with kids now, and held on to the fact that he was living a miserable alcohol-raddled existence as he knew that I was married with kids now and he had missed his chance.

So it begs the question: would I rather know what he is having for his tea tonight or hold on to a long held obsession with a "Chris Cornell" who obviously doesn't exist in the real world? At the moment, nosiness wins everytime. I'll just have to find a new Rock God to replace him :)

Call the social!

Today Baby Babs decided to headbutt the toilet trying to retrieve Bob the Builder from underneath it. He has a marvellous shiner now. This adds to all the other cuts and bruises that adorn his body (legs mostly) as he is a clumsy little boy at the moment. We were in the supermarket after said toilet incident and BB decided to do a runner. I had to chase him out of the supermarket and finally caught up with him, and like a good mother, proceeded to chastise him for running off.

It was only afterwards I realised what we must have looked like. Young child legging it, covered in bruises, big black eye, chased by irate mother, then manhandled into buggy kicking and screaming. I looked like I beat him regularly! How bad is that?! And I can totally see how easy it is for people to get the wrong end of the stick and report you for child abuse. Scary.

Warring mothers

Oh my god. I am stuck in the middle of the most ridiculous situation. I know a mum who has a little girl just a bit younger than Baby Babs. I know her through someone, I wouldn't say we were friends particularly, but well enough to exchange presents last year for the kids birthdays. This year my friend has fallen out with the mum and they don't talk anymore. I don't see this other lady much, just at the baby group if she turns up, which she hasn't been doing, probably to avoid my friend. Last time I saw her, we bumped into each other in town just before BB's birthday. She was super friendly and then surprised me by giving BB a present for his birthday. I hadn't seen her since. And it's her little girls birthday on Monday. I got her a card and was wondering what to do about a present. I felt like I ought to, as she got BB one. Then today she turned up at baby group, pointedly ignored both me and my friend, and refused to let her little girl play with our boys.

So why do I feel really mean about not giving her a present and possibly not even the card?! Wouldn't it look stranger if I did give her something considering the fact I haven't spoken to her for 3 months and when I see her she ignores me? It wasn't my argument and I was always friendly to her, I didn't even take sides. This motherhood lark is a minefield. And why do I give a monkeys?!

Say what you mean!

Our neighbours are pregnant again, third one god help them. But they have made no secret of the fact they want a big family. Today was the first scan, after which you can tell everyone. I was in the garden when Mrs Neighbour told the old lady who lives on the other side of them. She is the one who told me when I was heavily pregnant that her granddaughter had just had a baby and it was disabled, and I ought to be prepared just in case. Thanks. Anyway her reaction was priceless!

Pregnant lady: I've got some news for you. We're having another baby!"
Old lady: "OH MY GOD" (in a voice of doom)

Now even if you think someone is crazy for having another baby, and you think it might have been a mistake, you don't actually say it to their face!

Supermarket update

I went to the supermarket yesterday, the one that blockaded the aisles. And halfway round I noticed an odd thing, the online shopping order staff with their MASSIVE trolleys were all parked neatly at the end of the aisles, not down them. And they all looked super pissed off that they had to walk a bit further! Hee hee, it really made me laugh! Power to the people! All the funnier as I did email them to ask what their policy was and got a stock reply that "in 24 hour stores, they have to do these things sometime" - despite the fact that my local store isn't a 24 hour one! But they actually took heed and did something. I will feel bad when I get a job in a supermarket and they tell me I am on the online order section though...

Odd babies

Why is it children can make you want to laugh and cry at the same time? This week I had done my ironing and had it all neatly piled up in a basket waiting to go upstairs. I wasn't paying full attention to Baby Babs, he was pootling round between the kitchen and the lounge, but then I realised he was beaming at me very proudly. What had he done? He had very carefully taken my neat pile of ironing and stuffed it in the washing machine! It's his father's fault, when he comes home he makes BB put his dirty socks and pants in the washing machine, and he obviously associates piles of clothes with washing and was only trying to help. I had to laugh while trying not to cry.

Then the other morning I was dozing in bed trying not to have to get up while BB ran riot round the bedroom. He came up to me shouting "Mummy! Eyes!" and I turned round to find him THIS close to my face and wearing my glasses.

He also refuses to let anyone trim his nails, toe or finger, and can spend a long time trying to pick them off himself. But then, unlike any man I know, he doesn't throw them on the floor or pile them on the end of the arm of the chair and leave them there. He puts them in the bin.

The boy is a bit odd.

Zdravstvuj

Like the wonderful mother I am, I took Baby Babs to the park yesterday afternoon. It was basically a bribe, we went to the library first and I said if he behaved I'd take him on the way home. I've never seen a quieter child! We had the whole play area to ourselves for a while which BB loved, then another lady and her son turned up. And suddenly the play area turned into Eastern Europe. She was Polish and couldn't speak a word of English which made it very difficult to try and converse. The boys got on like a house on fire, chasing each other round and shouting "whee!!" and whatever it is in Polish, for ages. But it made it very awkward, all we could do was smile at each other. We went to another park last week and the other woman in there was Russian, and she was shouting at her kids in that scary "I will kneecap you if you don't get off that slide" Russian way of speaking. How am I supposed to make new friends if Essex has turned into the new Poland/Russia?! I might have to start learning the lingo, at least "how old is your little cherub?" and "do you come here often?". I might get back "he's 3 and we're just waiting for our flight home from that airport we heard Romford had".

A different perspective

I've been reading Rumpelstiltskin to Baby Babs recently, and I don't quite remember the dark undertones running through the story. If the girl can't spin straw into gold she must DIE and if she succeeds she gets to marry the king. How gracious of him! And then Rumpelstiltskin wants to take away her first child to do what with I couldn't figure out. Probably eat. Luckily Baby Babs doesn't really understand, he just likes listening. I'm going to have to vet all the books in future, perhaps our library only stocks the dark versions of stories, like the one where the Three Little Pigs are spit-roasted by the wicked wolf, and Little Red Riding Hood is sold into white slavery by her Grandma who is secretly involved with Mr Wolf, and who moves to Tenerife with the profits after being helped to find a villa with A Place in the Sun.

I bet these versions exist somewhere...

Reasons to live in Romford

I am always a bit scathing of living in Essex, not being born and bred. But our local paper this week listed "100 reasons to live in Havering" and there are some gems. I am quite proud now. The highlights?

1) Five Star come from Romford.
2) Seal lived in Romford for a bit.
3) Jilly Cooper was born in Hornchurch (posh bit).
4) Steve Davis the legendary snooker player was discovered playing in Romford Snooker Hall.
5) Ian Dury came from Upminster (posher bit).
6) The Prodigy filmed the video for Voodoo People in Romford Market.
7) John Motson bought his sheepskin coat from a man in Hornchurch.
8) Frank Lampard was born in Romford (can't have it all) and Tony Cottee lived in Collier Row (rough bit).
9) The Beatles played in Romford twice in 1963.

And the piece de resistence?
10) Richard Madeley comes from Romford!!

And the most bizarre fact:
11) There used to be a regular air service between Romford and Paris in the 1930s. I wonder if they were only one way fares? Who would want to come back?

Conversations...

Conversation with a new mother who turned up to a baby group one week:

New mother: "Eeer! This is me latest, Jade-Britney, she's only 8 days old!"
Me: "Ooh, lovely. Isn't she small?"
NM: "Yeah! Me other kids are over there, there's Justin on the tractor and Christina is asleep in the buggy. Oh an' Madonna-Mariah is at school."
Me: "You're brave coming out so soon after the birth."
NM: "No problem, she just popped out, innit, like the others, I told the doctors she would just pop out and they didn't believe me but she did. Just popped out. Hit her bleedin' head on the floor."
Me: "?!?!?"
NM: "See my finger! I cut it right open making a stew. Look at it!"
Me: "Cooking already? You are good!"
NM: "Yeah well with all me kids someone has to feed 'em! Me other 'alf ain't bovvered, he's down the pub usually, but look at me finger!"
Me: "Ooohhh!" (in head: "someone please help me!")
NM: "Do you wanna hold her a minute while I sort me shit out?"
Me: "Umm, of course!"
NM: "Righto. Ta very much. JUSTIN!! Get yer coat on, we're leavin'!!!"
Me: (Thank god!) "Umm, bye then!"

Dead letters

Talking of our resident ghost, this christmas we had a cheery card addressed to the couple who lived here from "Sue and Jim" who "hoped they were still going strong!". And left a return address. So I felt obliged to write and tell them they were dead. It was a very difficult letter to write. Never mind the fact that we have lived here for the past 4 years and this is the first year "Sue and Jim" thought to inquire into their friends' wellbeing, I didn't know how close they were and how they would take the news. So I politely informed them that their friends had passed away several years ago, and then made some half-hearted comments about them obviously being lovely people and I hoped they weren't too upset by my news. I have heard nothing back, I wish they would at least acknowledge my letter so I don't spent years torn up with guilt at being the evil person who told them their friends had carked it. Though I did use a second class stamp so it probably hasn't got there yet...

Ghost teacher?!

Baby Babs is coming along in leaps and bounds. He can talk for England now, despite only just turning two. We went to yet another birthday party today with lots of other two year olds, and it struck me just how far advanced he seemed all of a sudden. None of the other kids are talking, he can have full blown conversations now, and most of them had dummies and refused to leave their parents' side. Baby Babs was everywhere, he loved it, I hated chasing him round, but I do applaud his independent spirit. He doesn't give a monkeys if he can't see me and runs off blithely oblivious to the horrors that could await him.

But what is getting me is the words he comes out with. I know I teach him ridiculous words like "coconut". But I don't remember "tortoise" and teaching him the difference between "dark and light", "up and down" and "cold and hot". I think our ghost is back, obviously a primary school teacher back in the day, and Baby Babs is having lessons I know nothing about.

Yesterday I asked him what we should plant in our newly created veg patch, and he thought very carefully and said "daddy's beers". Now if he could just invent a Fosters plant we would be made for life. And I wouldn't put it past him...

Eggs in yer face

I opened the curtains this morning to find that some kindly soul had come round in the middle of the night and thrown eggs at my newly cleaned windows. Bastards. Not only does our window cleaner only come once in a blue moon, but it was sufficiently cold last night to make the egg freeze like super glue to my windows, I had to resort to a scouring pad to get it off, praying it didn't scratch the glass. It has unsettled me somewhat, I switch between thinking they were stupid kids and it was a random attack to "oh my god! we have somehow really upset someone so much that they sneak round in the dark to egg us!!". I won't sleep tonight.

And how expensive are eggs these days?! And who goes round late at night with eggs in their pockets?! Bloody essex teenagers that's who. Bastards.

On supermarkets

Recently I have noticed a trend in supermarkets. Those staff who do the shopping for the online orders are taking over the shops and leaving no room for normal customers. Last week I was trying to get to the butter only to find the entire aisle blockaded by staff restocking the cheese on one side and a woman with a massive trolley of online orders on the other. And I politely stood there till they moved!! Idiot. When did the normal in-store shoppers become mere irritations to the running of the shop? I thought they did most of the online orders when the shop itself was closed, but apparently not. And the days of restocking shelves at 3am seem to be long gone. It makes me so mad but it isn't limited to just one supermarket so I find it wherever I go. Next time I get blockaded I'm going to shove their massive trolleys out of the way or demand to see the manager. It's time for action people.

Cocktails

Speaking of cocktails, Justin Hawkins has a new album out with his band Hot Leg. I listened to a bit of it online and it's bleedin' brilliant!! Not quite the dizzy heights of the Darkness but not far off. The highlight was a song called Cocktail. The chorus goes "cock cock cock cock cocktail".

Absolute genius.

Mutant fruit

Baby Babs vocabulary is expanding massively and the other day we were going through one of his picture books for the nth time and I tried him on "coconut". He said it really well and I was so proud. Then I tried "pineapple". After frowning for a bit and really concentrating he came up with "applenutnut". That is the best word I have heard for years, and if only I could mix a pineapple and a coconut I would be famous! It would save so much time making cocktails :-)

The best pop video ever?!

I recently saw Coldplay's video for Life in technicolour ii and it is bloody brilliant! With no Top of the Pops (RIP) anymore most new videos pass me by, but you can watch videos on our cable for free and after I got tired of Bob the Builder doing "Big Fish Little Fish" (cardboard box!) I looked at a few cooler ones. If you haven't seen it, you are missing a brilliant puppet show extravaganza! And it's totally changed my opinion of Coldplay, I used to think "oh god it's Coldplay" whenever they turned up on the radio or tv, but now the video has messed my head up! I am quite sure Coldplay themselves didn't come up with the idea or execute any of it (apart from the song which is also not bad surprisingly) but hey. They put their name to it! Nobody puts any effort into videos anymore, so top marks from me!

I am not being paid by Coldplay for this btw! I can also highly recommend Morrissey's new one, ooh I love Mozza. Oh and that beardy bloke from Elbow...

The Christmas comedown

I've got the January blues already. It seems like I spent SO long preparing for Christmas, this year I made cards, decorations, mince pies, sorted all the presents, food etc etc and it's all over so quickly. I even managed to squeeze in making a blanket for Miss S's imminent arrival. Christmas Eve was possibly the excitedest I've ever been since childhood. Baby Babs is old enough now to get it (kind of) and one of our neighbours dressed up as Father Christmas and brought him a present, and we got the egg nog out and watched the Polar Express and Toy Story and it was honestly one of the days that I will remember for years. Christmas Day was nice, but a bit of a come down. Baby Babs liked ripping paper off presents more than what was actually in them, and we had a moment trying to put together a train track with Baby Babs ripping bits off as they were constructed until he had to be removed from the room. Kids toys eh? I now know what my parents went through and they had 3 kids to keep happy.

And now I sit here wondering why the Christmas tree is still up and should I take it down tomorrow or leave it till the weekend? And everything is a bit flat. I need a new project! Luckily Baby Babs handily has his 2nd birthday at the end of January so that will take January up! More card making, present buying, why it's almost like Christmas!