It just doesn't mix. Unfortunately for me, the annual piss up coincided with me not being allowed to drink. I thought "hey, it'll be cool, it's not all booze booze booze!". How wrong I was. The day's were full of watching heavily hungover librarians dragging their corpses to lectures, or just crawling outside to sit on lovely (apart from the lack of sand and lots of pebbles) Brighton beach opposite looking pale. Most discussions were competing "what time did YOU go to bed last night, I dragged myself out of the bar at 5am" type conversations. "Me? Oh 11.30". The evenings were fine until about 3 hours in when everyone else was wasted and running round being stupid and flirting with people they really wouldn't have looked at sober. I hope I wasn't like that last year! And they don't really cater for people who don't drink, there was water and that was it. One woman on our table one night didn't drink at all for some crazy healthy lifestyle notion and even asked for decaf coffee. I can't imagine what she did for kicks.
There were some highlights though. One night there was an Abba tribute band after dinner. They weren't that bad as Abba tribute bands go. As soon as the first chord rang out there was a stampede of aged female librarians in floral numbers pushing and shoving each other to get to the small dance area in front of the stage. And two male librarians. They were great. Much more enthusiastic than the women. One of them, in black trousers, a white shirt, black braces, and a pink feather boa (where he had got that from I would love to know), danced with amazing abandon. Pirouettes, arms wildly flapping about, crazy impromptu moves merged in with the moves the Abba girls were encouraging their audience to mimic. He deserved some kind of award.
Another was a well known creep who works for some publishing place. He is only ever spotted at social events, and will only talk to pretty girls. The Abba night he was spotted preening around the room with cuban heels on and a girl who was almost certainly coked up to the eyeballs dancing like a loon in his wake. Oh he thought he was so cool. He just wasn't. And most of the females of the profession know him of old and don't even bother making eye contact. As he gets older and older, it's just going to get sadder and sadder.
Ice creams on the beach are a definite winner at conferences. In future, they should only be held at venues with beaches. Abroad would be good too. It's Sheffield next year, the city of steel. I really ain't going to that one.
Law librarians are way cooler than us medical librarians. A coked up dancing girl? I was the most wasted at the last conference I went to, being the only one who had more than one glass of wine with the meal...
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