Ok we'll skip the obvious part (when a lady really likes a gentleman...) but this seems to be the standard antenatal care policy for my borough:
1. Visit the house of the newly pregnant couple and make it sound like it's going to be great. Promote home births till your eyes bleed (it will become obvious why later)
2. Pregnant lady visits the hospital several times for scans and tests.
3. Pregnant lady then starts to visit midwife every few weeks. Test for blood pressure and stuff that looks appropriate.
4. As D day gets closer pregnant lady may start to ask awkward questions. For example: can I have antenatal classes, or see the hospital before I'm actually screaming obscenities at everyone I see? Answer these as vaguely as you can, for example, "oh we don't bother with antenatal classes here, you don't really need them. And how can we show you the hospital? We don't know where you're going to have the baby yet - the one you have been going to has just been closed down and will soon be luxury flats" (see point 1).
5. Don't bother bringing up the idea of discussing a birth plan with the pregnant lady, it'll all work out in the end.
6. When lady is indeed in labour, pick a hospital out of a hat and send her there. She won't know where to go or what to do, but hey, it's someone else's problem by then. She should have gone for the home birth option.
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