Is that your child or are you a kidnapper?!

Last week I went for lunch with a friend and her 2 year old daughter. I don't see her very much so her daughter wouldn't have remembered me as I last saw her about a year before, but we had a very nice time. Towards the end of lunch it became very obvious that a nappy change was in order, but mummy had lost the baby wipes somewhere between the London Aquarium and meeting me. Baby wipes are crucial when dealing with babies' bottoms, tissue just doesn't cut it. So I piped up helpfully, "I'll watch the little'un if you want to nip out and get some more" (this is from a shop 2 doors down so I didn't envisage she'd be very long). Everything was fine to begin with. Little'un seemed quite happy with me, and we were playing with a jigsaw. Then someone came to clear the table. When faced with yet another stranger, little'un looks very perturbed and pipes up "I want my mummy!" and looks at me like I'm a complete stranger. Louder "I want my MUMMY!!!" and tears weren't far off. The lady clearing the table looks worried and frowns at me. It's all I can do not to say "hey, I'm a helpful librarian not a childnapper. Back off lady!" but I just tried to smile reassuringly and attempted to distract the child from getting me arrested. I am sure this made me look even more suspicious.

The minutes until mummy came back with the wipes were interminable. I was starting to think she wasn't coming back. There was me, stuck with a very smelly bottomed child, a jigsaw that was rapidly losing its appeal, and half of the shop staff discussing whether to call the police or not. When mummy finally showed up again I could have cried, never mind the baby!

That'll teach me to be helpful. Probably.

A large dog did it

We caught a bit of the X Factor last night, this is the beginning bit where they mainly show all the rubbish people and slag them off and make them cry. Last night actually made me cry - with laughter. They single certain people out who have "stories" to try and make their attempt at fame seem more meaningful, and possibly get them more votes if they make it further on. One older lady who got her 5 minutes of fame with an interview said she had had a life threatening injury a year ago, and her recovery had made her keen to live life to the full and to "make it". When the intrepid interviewer asked what happened to her, she said (and I quote):

"Well I was at the top of some stairs and I tripped over a large dog, fell down the stairs and broke my spine".

A large dog?! Was she not expecting one to be there?! Did he jump out of nowhere going "Raaar"?! Hee hee. Why she didn't just say she fell down some stairs and broke her spine I'll never know. The introduction of the "large dog" just made it hilarious. Well I know Miss S would have found it funny, especially if was a large fluffy doggie!

Good news for the lady though, she is walking again - and "dancing" - and her exuberance at being alive got her through to the next round, despite a decidedly ropey Kylie impression.

Pft

I am half way through my 2 week "holiday" and I wish we'd ignored our "sensible" heads and just gone to Magaluf or somewhere hot. It would have been cheaper too. Poor Mr B is putting in a new bathroom, which seems to involve lots of swearing and more problems every time he moves. I'm sorting the rest of the house out - that I can get to for ladders, drills, crap, old toilets etc. - and you know what, being at work seems kind of preferable! When I go back next week I am going to have the almighty hump as I won't feel like I've had a holiday. But hopefully I'll have a lovely new bathroom, at the rate we're going I don't think it'll be decorated, and it will probably stay like that till next year, but it won't be green. And that is a bonus.